


Loss

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-25
Updated: 2006-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-15 05:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 8,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Jed expriences the loss of his mother and reflects back on his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

“Yes, Jon. I’m going to tell Jed now. I want to be the one to tell him.”

Pause

“Yes, he’s going to take this hard. He loved his mother deeply.”

Pause

“Thanks for calling me first. We’ll call you back this evening when you know the arrangements.”

Pause

“Jon, I’m so sorry about Catherine. She was always kind and gentle with me, and I loved her very much. Bye for now. We’ll be in touch.”

Abbey hung up the phone and bent her head to say a brief prayer, ‘Dear God, please give me strength to do this and bless Catherine, wherever she is now. She lived a hard life. Amen.’

Crossing herself, she picked up the phone and dialed Charlie’s number. “Hi, Charlie, I need to talk with Jed. Does he have a few minutes?”

Pause

“Good. I’ll be right there. And Charlie, don’t tell him I’m coming, okay?”

Pause

“Thanks.”

Abbey took a deep breath and started toward the West Wing. She was glad that Jon had called her first. Jed loved his mother and she knew this could destroy him. She steeled herself for the emotional onslaught that she knew was coming even as she was reliving the first time she and Catherine met.


	2. Chapter 2

1967

*********

“Abbey, I can’t wait for you to meet my mother. She’ll just love you.” 

Jed and Abbey were on their way to Manchester from Boston. Abbey had been nervous all week about meeting Jed’s parents. She knew that the relationship between Jed and his father was strained. And he talked very little about his mother.

According to what Jed had told her, John Bartlet was a stern father who gave his two sons very little in the way of emotional support. Catherine was the one who apparently provided them with the emotional support they had craved in their childhood. 

When John had learned about Jed dropping his original goal of becoming a priest in order to date her, he had become extremely angry and withdrawn his financial support from Jed’s education. But Jed had persevered in spite of this action. In fact, the very next semester, he had been awarded a full scholarship at Norte Dame for the remainder of his college career. His father’s hold on him was gone.

“Jed, I’m so nervous. Do you think your mother will like me?”

“Abbey, there’s nothing about you that she won’t like. Just be yourself and things will go fine.” He reached over and grabbed her left hand. “I love you and I know Mom will love you as well.”

It was becoming very obvious that his mother was not going to be the problem.

“Jed, what about your father? I know he blames me for you not becoming a priest.”

“Abbey, it doesn’t matter what my father thinks. I love you and we’re getting married. Look at your hand. Doesn’t that ring prove to you that I don’t care what my parents think? I love you. I’m marrying you, not my parents.”

Abbey laughed nervously. “I hope you’re marrying me and not your parents. You would be the talk of the town if that was the case.”

Jed laughed. They both were tense. He had asked Abbey last night to marry him and she had said yes. The timing was planned. He knew that his father would have something negative to say about this relationship so he wanted to ‘seal the deal’ before Abbey even met them. He only hoped that after this visit she would still want to go through with the wedding.

“We’re here.” He pulled the car into a driveway and cut the engine. A two-story, brick house with a neat lawn stood before them. Jed’s parents had moved here two years ago after John had retired as headmaster of New Hampshire Academy, a position he had held for twenty-five years.

Abbey turned to Jed, who was just staring out the windshield. “Jed, we really should go in. It’ll be fine. Really.” She leaned over to kiss her husband-to-be. She knew, in spite of his words, that he was just as nervous as she. She said a quick prayer that this meeting would go okay for both of them. The ring on her finger symbolized the only relationship that mattered to her. Regardless of the outcome of this meeting, the only person that truly mattered was sitting next to her.


	3. Chapter 3

1967  
**********

Jed got out of the car and went around opening Abbey’s door. He glanced at the front window and saw the lace curtain being placed back in position. He knew his mother was watching for the first glimpse of his girlfriend. She had been so pleased when he had told her about Abbey. Never meeting her, she said that if Abbey made Jed happy, that’s all that mattered. Jed hoped his mom would be pleased with the news of the upcoming marriage. But his dad…, well only time would tell and that time was drawing near.

“Come on, Abbey. Might as well get this over.” He helped her out of the car and slammed the car door. Walking up to the front porch, he pressed the doorbell. He had always felt he was a visitor at this house so he never even considered opening the door without an invitation.

Jed and Abbey stood there, squeezing each other’s hand in an effort to give each other non-verbal support. 

Abbey leaned in to kiss her future husband. “Jed, it’ll be okay. I love you and will marry you regardless of what happens. I love you so much. Besides, how bad can this be?”

Jed shrugged. ‘It will be bad. Real bad.’

The door opened to a tall, ramrod straight, older version of Jed. Gray hair did nothing to take away from the stern figure standing before them. ‘

“Josiah, welcome home,” said his father, in a deep, flat voice. No tone of warmth or welcome came in those few words.

Abbey could feel Jed tense up, even as he replied. “Hello, Dad. Glad to be here. I would like to introduce Abigail Barrington. Abigail, my father, John Bartlet.” 

Abbey extended her right hand in an effort to break the tension. But John stepped backwards and motioned them to come in. Abbey quickly retracted her hand. She already knew that this visit was not going to go well.

“Come in, Josiah. I’ll get your mother. Go on to the living room and we’ll be right there.”

He turned and walked quickly down the main hall and disappeared around the corner.

“Come on, Abbey.” Jed closed the door. He took her by her arm and guided her to the living room, on the right of the main hall. “Let’s sit on the sofa. I think we might need to support each other.”


	4. Chapter 4

They sat as Abbey looked about the room. The mantel held brass candle sticks and a log holder shaped like a swan. There were two high back chairs facing the sofa, away from the fireplace, covered in the same red velvet fabric of the sofa. Two identical landscapes framed the walls on either side of the fireplace. There was nothing there that could be called personal.

Abbey turned to Jed and started to speak when John and an older woman entered the room. Jed stood up as his mother came over to him for a soft hug. Kissing her son on the cheek, Catherine finally spoke. “Glad to see you, Jed. Is this Abbey?” as her lined face broke into a smile. 

Abbey stood up and extended her hand.

“Yes, Mom. Abigail, this is my mother, Catherine. Mom, this is Abbey.”

“I’m so glad to meet you. Jed has spoken a lot about you.” But instead of shaking Abbey’s hand, she pulled the younger woman into a warm embrace. 

Abbey was surprised at the warmth she felt from Jed’s mother, especially contrasted with the cool reception she had just experienced from John.

“Yes, thank you. He has mentioned you a lot as well. I’m glad to finally meet you and Mr. Bartlet.”

Backing away from the embrace, Catherine moved to sit by her husband, in the second chair.

“Jed, how long can you stay? Can you have some lunch with us?”

Despite not having any plans for the afternoon, Jed knew he couldn’t stay. He wouldn’t stay. “No, Mom. As I said on the phone, this is just a short visit. I wanted you and Dad to meet Abbey.”

“Well, Jed, we’ve met her. So what else do you want?” John’s voice still carried no warmth.

“Nothing, Dad.” Jed could tell his father still had not forgiven Abbey for taking him away from the priesthood. “We just came for a short while. Both of us have to get back to Boston this afternoon.”

“Jed, I really wish you could stay a little while longer. I cooked your favorite roast beef in hopes you could stay long enough to eat.”

“Thanks, Mom. But we really have to go.” He grabbed Abbey’s left hand, in anticipation of standing. But the quick flash of the diamond caught his parent’s attention.

His father was the first to respond. “Josiah, release her hand. Is that a ring?”


	5. Chapter 5

Abbey’s heart sank. They had talked about taking the ring off for the visit, but she had vetoed the idea. She was proud of the ring and the promise it symbolized.

She felt Jed loosen his hold on her hand as they both stood up.

“Son, is there something you need to tell us?” Catherine hoped that it meant what she thought it did.

‘Might as well get this over with as well.’ Jed sighed. “Yes. I asked Abbey to marry me and she said yes.”

“Why? You still have your whole life ahead. What about your plans for graduate school? The rest of your life? This woman will ruin all of that. She has already ruined your life plans once. Is she pregnant, Josiah?”

“John! This is good news.” Catherine turned from her husband to her son. “I think its great news. Congratulations to you both.” Catherine kissed Jed and hugged Abbey for a second time.

“Josiah, I asked you a question. What’s the rush? Did you get her pregnant?”

“No, Dad! Abbey is not pregnant.” Jed had had enough. He pulled Abbey toward the door. But he turned one more time toward his father. “I love her, Dad! She gives me the love I never got from you. NEVER! I’m marrying Abbey and you can come if you want to. Otherwise, YOU CAN GO TO HELL!”

As he turned back to the door, he noticed the tears in his mother’s eyes. 

He hated when he lost his temper because it always disturbed his mother. This is the way it had always been. He would get upset and then the yelling would start. Soon his mother would leave the room to cry in private. Sooner or later, the yelling would stop but the damage would have already been done.

But he never could stop the fighting with his father before it occurred. Verbal fighting that would usually lead to John hitting him and Jed backing down. John had never understood that his oldest son was different, much more sensitive than John Bartlet thought a man should be. This time, however, Jed was tired of it and wasn't going to take it anymore.

But soon, he wouldn’t have to deal with him. If his application to the London School of Economics was approved, he would have an ocean between them. Jed only wished it could be a world between, but he would take what he could get.

He gave his mother a quick kiss. “I love you, Mom. Take care of yourself.” 

Soon the front door slammed behind them. He and Abbey almost ran to the car. The door closed and again Jed was safe. 

But this time safe in the knowledge that somebody loved him and he loved somebody.


	6. Chapter 6

Present Time

 

Abbey arrived outside the Oval Office. “Charlie, make sure we’re not disturbed, okay?”

Charlie looked at Abbey’s face and saw her jaw squared off. He knew she wasn’t bringing good news.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Abbey walked in and closed the door behind her. “Hi, hon.” The light words did not match the serious tone of her voice. 

Jed looked up over his glasses and broke into a smile. “Hi, yourself. What brings you over here?”

“Jed, I need to tell you something. Why don’t you come over to the sofa and sit with me?”

Jed realized from her tone and her facial expressions that something had happened. He pushed back from the desk and walked over to where she was standing. “Is something wrong? Has something happened to one of the girls?”

By this time he had walked to the sofa and sat down, facing Abbey. “Abbey, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

Abbey took his hands into hers and looked into those beautiful blue eyes. She dreaded what she had to do next. “Jed, I have some bad news.”

“Abbey, please tell me what has happened. Is it one of the girls?”

“No, hon. Jon just called and said that your mother had a massive heart attack this morning and died. Jed, your mother is dead. I’m so sorry to be the one to tell…”

She stopped in mid sentence as the sobs escaped from her husband’s throat. She pulled his head to rest on her shoulder as his body shook with the news. Stroking his head let him know that she was there. By his side. Staying that way for a few moments, she just let him know that somebody was there with him. “Shhh. Just cry it out, Jed. Just cry it out.”

Facing Leo’s door, she saw it open. When Leo saw what was going on, he quickly closed the door. He knew something tragic had just happened and this was not the time to interrupt. The country’s business could wait for a few minutes.

Jed raised his head, tears still running down his face. “How? When? Where? Was she alone? Please tell me she wasn’t alone.”

Abbey continued to look into her husband’s eyes, even as tears rolled down her face as well.

“No, Jed, she wasn’t alone. From what Jon said, she had stayed overnight at his house because she hadn’t felt well for a few days. Then, this morning, she asked Jon to take her to the Emergency Room. But the heart attack was so massive that even the doctors there couldn’t save her. She died around ten, an hour ago.”

“Why did Jon call you? Why couldn’t he call me? I’m her son.”

“Jed, don’t be angry at Jon. He knew how this would affect you and felt that I should be the one to tell you. And Jed, you know he’s right. I’m need to be here with you.”

“I guess I understand. What are the arrangements?”

“We’re going to call him back later tonight when the arrangements have been made.”

“I need to tell Leo and CJ and the staff. I need to….”

“Jed, calm down. Everything will get done. First, we need to talk. And then notify the girls. Then you can bring the staff up to date.”

Jed withdrew from her embrace and stood up. “Abbey, there are things that need to be done right away. I agree with calling the girls. We both need to tell them together. Let’s go to the Residence. At least it’ll be more private. But I need to let Leo know right now. Plans have to be made and schedules changed. There are so many things to get done.”


	7. Chapter 7

Abbey opened her eyes and groaned when clock read 3:15 am. ‘Hell. Go back to sleep, Abbey.’ She turned over to snuggle with Jed and met empty sheets. “Jed? Where are you?” as she sat up, looking for her absent husband.

“Abbey, it’s okay. I’m over here in the chair.”

Abbey’s eyes finally adjusted to the darkness. She found Jed sitting in one of the high back chairs, a drink in his hand. 

Getting out of bed, she walked over to where he was sitting.

“What’s wrong? Can’t you sleep?” She placed her hand on his shoulder, lightly stroking his back.

“Hell no! My mother just died. I guess I have nothing to worry about, do I?”

Abbey knew the anger was a cover for his grief. 

After that brief cry in the Oval Office, Jed had shut down emotionally. Telling Leo what had happened was handled like a regular business discussion. The calls to the children were cut and dry. No emotion. 

Even when he talked to Jon earlier tonight, there was no emotion. Jon had made arrangements for Saturday, two days from today. Jed thanked him and promised to be there sometime Friday afternoon. 

His mother had left instructions on her service and asked that only her sons speak. It was to be brief and then she was to be buried next to their father. Although both sons didn’t want that to happen, they had agreed to follow their mother’s wishes.

Whispering, Abbey replied. “Jed, you do have something to worry about. I was asking you to share it with me. I’m your wife and I want to help you though this.”

“I don’t need your help right now.”

“Jed, don’t do this. Don’t shut me out.” Her voice wavered between anger and love.

Jed looked up his wife. “I’m sorry, Abbey. I’m still processing all that has happened. Just give me some time will you? That’s all I need right now. Just some time. Please go back to bed.”

“Only if you’ll come with me.”

“Abbey, I truly can’t sleep and my tossing will just keep you up. Please, hon. Just go back to bed. I’ll be there shortly.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” as he took her hand off his shoulder and gave it a brief kiss. “I’ll be fine. Just go back to bed.”

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

As Abbey returned to bed, Jed’s mind went back to time of his marriage and his mother’s words to him. Words he had remembered all his life.


	8. Chapter 8

1967

***********

“Jon, do you have the ring? Have you seen Abbey? Did she come? How many people….”

“Jed, calm down. Everything is fine. Abbey is here. And you need a drink. Want some scotch?”

“You didn’t bring any in here, did you? It’s a church, Jon. You don’t drink alcohol in church.” Jed turned to see his brother smiling at him. 

“Gotcha, didn’t I Jed?”

“Yeah. Okay, I’ll try to calm down. But I just want to be married to Abigail. I love her so much, Jon. I really do. I want her to be my wife and lie next to her and take care of her…”

“Jed, you’re rambling again. Just sit down, will you? Father Thomas will be here for us any minute.”

“Okay.” Jed sat down and tried to remain calm. But now his hands were nervously moving in his lap.

He looked up to see his parents coming down the hall toward the dressing area. 

He stood up quickly, his body tensing to do battle with his father yet again. It had not been a pleasant four months since the meeting in Manchester when he announced his engagement to Abbey. He had talked to his mother frequently and she had attended several bridal showers that Abbey’s friends had thrown. But there had been no contact with his Dad. 

He wondered if they had found out that Abbey was pregnant. They only had unprotected sex one time but that was enough. She was already two months along, but had been able to hide her growing abdomen to most people. Her mother had found out a few days ago, but promised to keep it a secret.

“Hi, Jed.” His mother gave him a quick kiss. 

“Hello, Josiah.” Again, the flat, unemotional voice of Jed’s father.

“Are you ready, Jed? The church looks beautiful and I’m sure Abbey will look gorgeous.”

“Yes, Mom. I’m so ready. Can’t wait.”

“That’s nice.” Turning to Jon and John, she asked for a private moment with Jed. 

“No,” John answered.

“Please John. I want a private moment with our son before the ceremony.” Both parents stared a moment at each other before John shrugged his shoulders.

“Come on Dad.” Jon stood by the door, waiting for his father. Reluctantly, they both left the room closing the door behind them.

Looking into her oldest son’s eyes, she focused on getting her message across.

“Jed, I know about the baby.” Before Jed could respond, Catherine raised her hand to prevent any speaking. “Its okay, Jed. Your father doesn’t know. And he won’t. Not yet at least. But Abbey’s mom kept hinting at something last night at the rehearsal dinner and she finally told me, but only after a lot of persuasion.”

Catherine had a huge smile on her face.

“Jed, I’m so happy for you and Abbey. She’s such a lovely girl and you both will make great parents. But remember something always, treat her with respect and with love and your marriage will last forever. Love and respect. Always remember those words and you’ll do fine. There will be times that it will be hard to do so, but don’t fall into the trap I did. I thought I could change your father, but that never happened. And divorce has never been an option, at least not to me. 

“So take your new wife and your new child and enjoy your time in London. I’ll miss you so much, but come home soon. Now, go get married.”

Jed’s eyes were full of tears, but he couldn’t allow himself the luxury of crying. Instead, he hugged his mother and then gave her a long kiss. “Mom, I love you. And I’ll miss you. I promise I’ll write and I can call occasionally.”

“Jed, you’re a married man now and you’ll be a father soon. Your family should always be your first priority. Take care of your family and they’ll take care of you.”

With those words, she turned and left the room. 

Jon came back in, this time accompanied by Father Thomas. It was time to make his dream come true.

***

Present

With dawn breaking, Jed climbed back into bed. He gathered his sleeping wife in his arms. As Abbey snuggled closer to him, he closed his eyes and quickly dropped off to sleep. He would need her strength over the next few days.


	9. Chapter 9

Jed gazed out the window on Air Force One. He was on his way to Manchester late Friday afternoon. Alone in his office, his mind was really not focusing on anything. Abbey, Zoey, and Ellie were in the bedroom, trying to respect his request for some time alone. Although Abbey had wanted to be with Jed, she knew he would ask for her when he was ready.

Sighing, he thought about all the times he had flown on this very plane to happy family occasions. Occasions that had included his mother. Birthdays, holidays, all those special occasions that made family life so happy. Although he had had to cut back trips to the farm since assuming the Presidency, the times he did make it up there made the time he had shared with his mother all the more special. Especially now.

Leo and CJ were in the middle section of the plane, going over the final details of the next forty-eight hours. 

Upon arrival in Manchester, Zoey and Ellie would go to Liz’s house while Jed and Abbey would travel to Jon’s home, and then the funeral home, for private time with their mother. Later that evening, an invitation only visitation would be held at Jon’s house. Ron had agreed to the plans, but with normal security precautions everywhere the President would be visiting.

On Saturday, the service would be held at Mrs. Bartlet’s home church. The press had respected the President’s wishes to have a private service and burial, but he had agreed to cameras outside the church. The eulogies would be provided to the press after the service. Both Jed and Jon had written some brief remarks, but most of the eulogy would come directly from their heart.

After burial, a private family-only gathering would be held at Liz’s house. She had offered the use of her house after Jon had offered to hold the visitation at his house the night before.

The First Family would stay at the farm when they weren’t involved in functions and return to Washington sometime Sunday afternoon.

It would be an emotional weekend.


	10. Chapter  10

“Jed, we’re landing.” 

He continued to look out the window. Abbey walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Jed, we’re landing.”

“Yeah.” He looked up at her, his eyes dulled with grief. His voice was flat. He showed no emotion. He was afraid to.

“You have to get through this Jed. And the girls and I are here to help you. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” His eyes glistened with tears. “That’s what Mom always said. She always said that family was the most important thing in life. That family would be there when nobody else cared. But Abbey, I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. At the time she most needed me, I wasn’t there.”

Abbey sat down next to her husband and fastened her seat belt. She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Jed, she knew if you could have, you would have been there. But no one knows the exact time of death. You can’t schedule it like a meeting. She knew you cared. That’s all that important.”

The plane jerked as the wheels of the big plane touched down. “I hope so, Abbey. God, I hope so.”

After the plane rolled to a stop, Jed took Abbey’s hand and they came down the stairs together. Usually, she walked behind him as he departed, but she knew that this was his way of reaching out to her, for which she was truly grateful.

The Air Force base had been closed to visitors so only the Commanding General was there to greet him as the President came down the stairs. After a brief salute and even briefer words of sympathy, the President and First Lady slowly walked over the waiting limousine and settled in for the thirty minute ride. This was so different from the many times they had landed here. More joyous times. 

But this was something that everybody faced at some point in their lives. And this was Jed’s time.

Abbey had been watching Jed over the past few days for any signs of MS. She knew that this could bring on an attack, but she wasn’t going to quiz him to see if he was having any symptoms. Not yet anyway. She knew he hadn’t slept much the past two nights and only hoped that when this weekend was over, that he at least would get better rest.

As the car pulled out, Jed could only look out the window. Deep in thought, he didn’t feel Abbey lean against him and slip her fingers though his. He didn’t notice the pressure of her head on his shoulder. He was lost in thoughts about the last time he had seen his mother. The last time he would ever see her.


	11. Chapter 11

Four weeks earlier, Manchester

***********

 

“I want to see Mom, Abbey. Do you think we could have her for dinner tonight?”

“Sure. No problem. Why don’t you call Jon and invite everybody out here as well? The kids like to ride the horses and I’m sure Zoey will watch them.”

“Abbey, those kids, as you call them, are twelve and fourteen. I think they can ride a horse by themselves.”

Her laughter told Jed he had been taken. “Jed, hon. I know that. I meant Zoey can go with them. She’s really been anxious to get on some of the newer trails that have recently been cut near the pond.”

“That’s a great idea.”

***

A few hours later, the adults were pouring their after dinner drinks. 

“Mom, can I get you a brandy?”

“That would be nice, Jed. And when you’re finished, I want to talk with you and Jon alone. Is that okay, Abbey and Claire? I won’t be long.”

Abbey quickly stood beside her sister-in-law. “No problem, Catherine. Come on Claire. Let’s go to the kitchen and catch up.” Claire followed Abbey out of the living room, leaving only the mother and her two sons.

“What is it, Mom? You know you can say anything in front of Abbey.”

“I know, and if you both want to tell your wives later what I’m about to say, that’s fine. But I want just the two of you right now.” Catherine gave Jed a smile as he handed her the brandy snifter. “Thanks, Jed.”

“What’s so important, Mom?” Jon was as curious as Jed.

“I’m getting up there in years and I want to say a few things before I die.”

“Oh, Mom. You have many more years to come. You’re only eighty-eight. Beside, I’m sixty-five or I will be on my next birthday.” Jed groaned in anticipation of becoming an official senior citizen.

“Now, Jed. You too, Jon. I have some things I want to say to both of you. So just please listen to me.”

Both men said “Okay” simultaneously.

“First, let me say that your father and I have loved you both since the day each of you were born. Now, I know you thought your father didn’t love you, but in his own way he did. There were times I disagreed with his way, but it was his way. It was tough trying to give you support and strength when all your father was doing was holding back. There were some arguments about it, but John was my husband and when it came right down to it I had to agree with him and the manner in which he raised you both. Your father loved me, but never showed it openly. After a while, I just got used to it and accepted it. But I knew it. And he was always welcomed in my bed. 

“Later on, as you two became teenagers, he felt he had to be tough in order to prepare you for, as he put it, the ‘real world’. He was tough on every boy at the Academy. He knew that the parents trusted him with their children to educate them, to help them become better men. And he took that responsibility seriously. Some said he took it too serious. But that’s the way he was. I’m not trying to make excuses for him. I only want to give you insight into how he really was, at least from my perspective.”

Jed shifted uncomfortably. He knew his mother had to know about his father hitting him so much. ‘She had too. All the bruises I had on my face and arms, she just had to know. But this is not the time to bring it up. But I do need to talk with her with it. Dad was a monster, at least to me.’

Catherine continued. “I miss him deeply. He’s been gone for fifteen years and I miss him more everyday. So I’m glad I’m about to join him. I believe he went to heaven, in spite of some of his behavior, and that I’ll join him soon. But soon is a relative term. It could be months. It could be years. There’s just no way of knowing.

“You two have become fine men and I’m proud of all that you’ve achieved. And your father would be too. In each of your own way, you have achieved much and given back much more. As my will states, everything I have is to be divided equally between each of you. But I hope you will use it for good, for helping people who maybe haven’t had the opportunities that our family has. 

“Promise me one thing.”

“Sure, Mom, whatever.”

“Yeah, anything.”

“Promise me that you will always remember that family takes priority over everything else. When you’re my age, that’s all you’ll have left. I love you both so very much.” She drew her boys into a tight hug and cried right along with them.

Catherine smiled through her tears. Hopefully, her boys had listened to her. John was not the monster others thought him to be.


	12. Chapter 12

Present  
*************

The Presidential motorcade pulled into a long, winding driveway with a three story, brick house at the end. 

Jon had done well for himself. A prosperous real estate developer, he had hit the boom times, both in residential and commercial development. Many of his properties were located in the wealthiest suburbs of Boston and as far away as New York City. 

But now, Jed was just glad they had a chance to grieve with some semblance of privacy. 

Jon and Claire were waiting on the steps for the presidential limousine to stop. The door was opened by an agent and out stepped the President and First Lady. But tonight, they were just Jed and Abbey, grieving over the loss of a very special person.

Jed shook his brother’s hand and went over to kiss Claire. Abbey hugged her brother-in-law and gave her sister-in-law a kiss. Then they all went into the house.

Entering the smaller den, they each took their choice of richly upholstered chairs. 

“Are you hungry? Do want something before we go to the funeral home?” 

“No. We’re fine. How are you both doing?” Jed asked his brother.

Jon looked at Claire and gave a weak smile. “Okay, I guess. We’ve been so busy that I don’t know if it has even hit us yet. The kids took it kind of hard. But then, Mom has lived with us off and on for the last few years so they have gotten real close to her.”

“Yeah, Jon. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you out anymore than I did. Circumstances and…”

“Jed, don’t even start this. We’ve been through this before. Mom knew you had bigger responsibilities than her. She was really okay with it. Really. Claire and I enjoyed the time we had with her. Now it makes it all that more special. So don’t worry.”

All Jed’s emotions allowed him to say was “Yeah.” Abbey reached over and squeezed his hand, a motion not unnoticed by the other two people in the room.

After a few more moments of just chitchat, Claire stood up. “We really need to go on downtown. By the time we’re finished there, the guests will be here.”

Everybody else stood up as well. This was the worst part of today. 

Tomorrow would bring its own challenges.

As they left the house and got into the limousine, both wives could only hold their husbands’ hands, giving them strength for the next few hours. If their strength could only be transmitted to their husbands, then maybe, just maybe the next few hours would be somewhat easier.

The short ride to the funeral home was silent. Each was deep in his or her own thoughts. 

As the limousine pulled up to the funeral home, a quiet crowd had gathered across the street. The police had shut the street to vehicular traffic and had only allowed a handful of people to stand and watch the President of the United States say goodbye to his mother. Even as Jed entered the building and then later left, the crowd remained silent, a sign of the respect they held for the man.

No words were spoken. There were none needed.

The crowd’s grief mirrored that of the Bartlet family.


	13. Chapter 13

The sun broke through the farm’s bedroom window. 

Abbey opened her eyes and turned to see if Jed was asleep. He had tossed and turned most of the night. So he couldn’t have slept all that much.

He wasn’t there. 

She got out of bed and saw a small piece of paper on the dresser.

“Gone for a walk. Back soon.”

After changing into some jeans and a loose t-shirt, she went to the kitchen. He had already fixed the coffee so she poured herself a cup and went out on the back porch to see if she could see him.

“Looking for me?”

His voice startled her. She turned to see him in the porch swing, holding a partially smoked cigarette in his hands. “I couldn’t sleep so I thought I would come out here and think.”

She went over to him. “Want some company?” 

She didn’t want to pressure him into accepting her presence unless he really wanted her to be here.

“Yeah,” patting the area next to him. He threw the cigarette on the old oak boards and ground his foot until the fire was out.

Abbey sat down and waited for him to talk first.

But there were no words. Just silence.

“Jed, you know I’m here.”

“Yeah.”

“You know, that’s about all you say these days.”

“Yeah.”

The silence continued.

Finally, with her coffee turning cold, Abbey got up. “Want a refill?”

“No, thanks.”

As Abbey turned to leave, Jed finally spoke.

“Abbey?”

“Yes?” as she turned back to him.

“Thanks. Thanks for being here with me. For letting me grieve in my own way.”

Abbey was surprised at the emotion in her husband’s voice. As sensitive a man as she knew him to be, this was a rare time when he actually admitted he was hurting.

She sat back down next to him and leaned up next to him.

“I love you, Jed. When you hurt, I hurt. When you’re happy, I’m happy. That’s just the way it is.”

He leaned over to kiss her. Almost unconsciously his hand reached up under her shirt and started to squeeze her breasts. She didn’t dare flinch or move in any way. In fact, she was beginning to enjoy it.

Jed suddenly jerked his hand away. “I can’t. Not today. Not the day I’m burying my mother.”

“Jed, it’s okay.” Abbey whispered the words, but she knew that the intimacy was over. Jed had already gone back to the lonely place where he had kept himself these past few days.

Sighing, she stood up and turned back to him, extending her hand. “Come on. You need a shower before we leave for town.”

“Go ahead. I’ll be in soon. I just need some more time.

“Okay,” as Abbey turned and reentered the house. 

Jed was lost in thought already.


	14. Chapter 14

Fifteen years earlier  
***************

“Jon, thanks for the information. I’m not going to the funeral. I would feel like a hypocrite. I really hated him and I can’t get past everything he did to me.”

“But Jed, it’s not him you’re going to honor. It’s Mom and she would be devastated if you didn’t come.”

“My father meant nothing to me. Mom will understand.”

“Jed, I’m asking you, in fact pleading with you to come for Mom‘s sake.”

“Well, I’m supposed to leave for a Congressional trip in the morning and my plans can’t be changed.”

“I thought I would never see you put political business ahead of family business. If you don’t come, I think that Mom will never forgive you. She is going to be so hurt. Is anything I can say to make you come?” 

“No.”

“Well, then, I’ll see you sometime,” as the phone connection was broken on the other end. Jed flinched at his brother’s angry tone. He knew the real reason for not wanting to go. And it had nothing to do with Congressional business.

As Jed hung up the phone, he turned to see Abbey staring at him.

“Jed…”

“Now don’t you start with me too. I’m not going. And that’s the final word.”

“Jed, the service is for your mother and your family. Yeah, your father treated you like shit. And he didn’t treat me any better, but somewhere in your relationship there had to be some kind of love.”

“Abbey, I hated him. I will hate him until the day I die. So it would be so hypocritical of me to go and pay my respect. I have none.”

“Josiah Edward Bartlet.”

Jed knew when she used his full name the discussion was over.

“You are going to go to the service. You will show your mother the respect she deserves. I will go with you and so will the girls. There will be no further discussion. The matter is closed.”

He knew that the discussion was over. And it was.

***

The next day, a limousine pulled up to the church. As the door opened, the Congressman exited with Abbey behind him and then their three girls. Television cameras saw a grieving family. However, it was only steel determination that was moving the Congressman’s legs. And the fact that his wife was right behind him.

As Jed entered the back vestibule, he caught the surprise on his brother’s face. And the relief on his mother’s.

“Jed, I thought you had business you couldn’t change.”

He gave her a big hug. “I did, Mom. But at the last minute I was able to move the flight until tomorrow. I wanted to be here for you.”

Catherine smiled. She knew how hard it was for Jed to here. There were so many bitter times between John and Jed that she wasn’t ever sure when she would get to see her grandchildren through the years.

Many times, Abbey had brought the kids to the house in Manchester without Jed. Both women knew that if Jed came, there would only be fighting so it was best that way.

Soon the casket arrived and was wheeled down by the altar.

Catherine entered the church escorted on each side by her boys. Abbey and Claire followed and the three grandchildren brought up the rear.

The church was full of John’s ex-students. Men who had matured in a rough environment but were better men because of the tough love John Bartlet had shown them. Jed was impressed with the numbers of former students in attendance. At least John Bartlet had treated them well.

After the service was over, there was a private burial in the church yard.

As Catherine was walking away from the grave, tears falling on her lined face, she had one more thing to say to her boys.

“Jed, Jon. I have one request.

“Sure, Mom.”

“Please make sure I’m buried next to John. I loved him so much and want to be next to him for eternity.”

Jed and Jon exchanged glances. 

“Yeah.”


	15. Chapter 15

Present

*************

Jed and Abbey were meeting the others at the church. 

When the limousine drove up, the girls and Liz’s family were waiting for them outside the church. Jed kissed each of his girls and grandchildren.

Right behind the Presidential limousine, another black limousine drove up and Jon and his family stepped out. Jon, Claire, and their two children made their way into the church.

After waiting for a few minutes inside the vestibule of the church, a black hearse pulled up.

Catherine Bartlet had started her final journey.

Both families waited outside for the casket to be unloaded and placed on the metal wheels. Ron had not been pleased with the President being out in the open for so long, but Jed had been insistent that he be allowed to pay his mother that final respect, waiting for her to enter before him.

The families followed the casket as it was pushed down the aisle of the small church. As it passed, the invited guests stood in respect. Following the casket was the First Family and then Jon’s family. Because of Catherine’s age, there were no other relatives who attended the service.

As the casket was placed at the altar, Jed’s family took up the first two rows on the left while Jon’s family sat along the front pew on the right.

The service progressed as each person silently relieved their special memories of Catherine. Jed held Abbey’s hand, again trying to draw strength from her seemingly endless supply.

Finally, it was time for the sons’ tribute.

“Catherine had asked each of her sons to say some words. They have asked to jointly present the final tribute to their mother.” Father Mark turned and nodded to the two men on the front row.

Both Jed and Jon stood at the same time and made their way to the lecterns, one on each side of the altar.

Jed started first.

“Our mother was a very special lady. She had some rough times in her life, but still thought the best of all she had ever known. She raised two boys who, even to this day, knew they were loved very much.

With Jed’s voice cracking, he nodded to his younger brother to begin.

“Mom cared about everybody she ever met, be it a friend or a stranger on the street. But she saved the best advice for her family. Only a few weeks ago, she shared her philosophy of life. The one that gave her guidance in everything she did ever since she was a blushing bride at twenty.”

Now Jed took over.

“Her philosophy was about the importance of family. She reminded both me and Jon many times that no matter what happened in life, family would always be there for one another. And I think we both have tried to live that.”

Jon took the next segment.

“Mom knew best. She gave us unconditional love when there was none. She made our cuts and scrapes better by just being there. She was a great mother. Even in her later years, she made sure we knew how proud she was of both of us. And she asked of us one final request.”

Jed took over again.

“Today, my brother and I announce the formation of the Catherine Lynn Bartlet Foundation, dedicated to giving hope where there is none, giving light where there is darkness, and helping those whose life has made it impossible for them to help themselves.” 

As each man made their way back to their seats, they kissed the head of the casket and made the sign of the cross. One final kiss to the mother that they deeply loved and even more deeply would miss for the rest of their lives.

After a final prayer, the family escorted Catherine out of the church one last time.


	16. Chapter 16

“Abbey, I’m really tired. I would like to go back to the farm. Okay with you?”

After burial, the families had gathered at Liz’s house for a late lunch. A couple of hours later, Jed was exhausted and just wanted to leave.

“Yeah. I’m ready to go. Let me say goodbye to Jon, Claire and the girls. I’ll be right back.”

Jed watched his wife leave to do the ‘right thing’. She had always known the right thing to do. She had been doing the right thing since his mother died. But he hadn’t told her.

Waving goodbye, Jed and Abbey exited the house and slid into the back seat of the limousine. This time, however, Jed made the first move to bring his wife into his world by sliding next to her and bringing his arm around her shoulder.

“Have I told you how much you have meant to me these past few days? How just knowing you would be there whenever I would lower my barriers? You have been just perfect and I can’t love you enough for that.”

Tears easily flowed from Abbey’s eyes as she listened to her husband’s emotional words.

“I love you, Jed. That’s what people who love you do. They’re there for you in good times and bad. Just like Catherine was there for you all those miserable years with your Dad. But over the past years, you have returned that love to her in many different ways.”

“But Abbey, I wasn’t there when she needed me the most. I can never forgive myself for that.”

“Jed, you were there as much as you could be. She understood. She really did.”

“I hope so.”

All Abbey could do was lean her head into his broad shoulders and hope that one day he would not feel so guilty about not being there when his mother died. “Let’s go home.”

“Yeah.”


	17. Chapter 17

It had been three weeks since Jed and Abbey had returned from Manchester. 

Each day Jed threw himself into his work and each night studiously avoided any conversation about his mother. Abbey had tried to bring it up several times, but Jed always managed to change the subject.

Leo had talked to Abbey several times about the building emotions that Jed was trying to shove down. They were exhibiting themselves in short, snippy remarks to the Senior Staff and yelling at Charlie. Leo had to intervene twice already between Jed and Charlie on some perceived wrong on Charlie’s behalf.

One day Jed received the paperwork from the family lawyer, probating the will and setting up the foundation. All Jed had to do was sign and return the papers. 

But it was the catalyst for the final act.

“God damnit! You would think that a damn lawyer would write this crap in a way that normal people could understand it. It’s a bunch of garbage!” 

Abbey was sitting on the sofa in the bedroom trying to read some program notes when this outburst occurred.

“Jed, calm down. Just sign the papers and return it.”

“No way in hell am I going to sign this crap, especially when I don’t understand any of it.”

“We’ll get a lawyer up here to tell you what it says. I think you have quite a few on staff.”

“God damnit! I should be able to understand it myself.”

Abbey stood up and walked over to her husband, who was standing next to the bed.

“Jed! I said calm down! What is truly the matter? You’ve read lawyerese many times before. What is really going on?”

“Nothing!” Screaming in Abbey’s face, he turned to walk away.

She grabbed his arm to prevent that from happening. “You don’t scream at me like that, Josiah Edward Bartlet. Now tell me what the hell is wrong!” She could easily match his volume. And right now she didn’t care who heard her.

Using his full name, she had finally gotten his attention.

Lowering her voice, she tried again. “Tell me what is really going on, Jed. No more games. You’ve been yelling at everybody and making my life and your staff’s life hell for the past three weeks.”

“Abbey…”


	18. Chapter 18

“Abbey…” Jed repeated himself.

“Yeah, that’s my name. Tell me Jed.”

Before words could come, the racking sobs arrived. Abbey put her arm around his shoulder and guided him over to sofa. Sitting him, she sat down facing him. ‘A replay of the Oval Office’ was her only thought.

Over ten minutes later the sobs had finally died down. “I’m so sorry, Abbey. I guess I just miss Mom too much and it has come out in many ways. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Still holding his head on her chest, she responded. “Shhh. It’s okay. You have to learn how to move on. You’ll miss her for the rest of your life, but you have other responsibilities. You have to move on. Catherine would want you to.”

Jed raised his head and finally spoke about what had been bothering him. “I have such ambivalent feelings. Mom had to know what Dad was doing to me. She had too. I should hate her for not stepping in. For not fighting for me. But I loved her, Abbey. I loved her as much as I love you. How can I get over this ambivalence?”

Abbey continued to hold his hands. “Jed, I’m not a psychiatrist but I can tell you that your mother did what was best for her and her relationship with John. She was raised to be subservient to her husband. In her life, he was the final authority on everything. You told me a long time ago that until your father died, your mother never even balanced a checkbook. And in raising you and Jon she deferred to him. He was the master of the house. So you can be angry at her, but you can’t blame her for something she had no idea how to handle.”

Jed smiled for the first time in weeks. “You think that was it? That my father was so powerful and overbearing that she didn’t have the strength to fight him?”

“I don’t think it was that she lacked strength. But she lacked the skill to fight back. It was never part of her to fight back. You can’t hate her for something she didn’t have the knowledge to solve. We have a completely different philosophy. Either one of us would fight to the death if we found out that the other one was hurting one of our children. I personally would rip your balls off and then kick you out the door if I ever found out that you were hurting one of the girls.”

Jed laughed as he involuntarily cringed. “You wouldn’t go that far, would you?”

“You wanna bet?”

“No. I don’t think I’ll take that bet.” He leaned over and brought her face next to hers. “Do you know how much I love you?”

“I think so.”

“Why don’t I show you?”

Abbey smiled. Jed would be okay. He would grieve but he would move on. And she hoped his memories of Catherine would one day be only pleasant. After all, she was his mother. That alone held a special place in his heart.

 

THE END


End file.
